


Trouble brewing

by m_findlow



Category: Torchwood
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25159120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_findlow/pseuds/m_findlow
Summary: Jack's efforts in the kitchen go pear shaped.
Relationships: Jack Harkness/Ianto Jones
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16
Collections: fic_promptly Fills 2016





	Trouble brewing

Ianto pointed his finger at Jack in a very officious way. 'I'm never letting you in my kitchen again. Ever.'

'This is so not my fault,' Jack pleaded.

'Oh, really,' Ianto huffed, hands on hips. 'And where exactly did you get this crate of fresh vegetables that has you going all Master Chef tonight?'

He knew that as soon as he uttered the words "it came through the rift", that Ianto was going to lose it. He said them anyway, knowing that withholding that salient piece of information would get him in equal amounts of strife.

Jack would have said Ianto's face would have been turning a glorious shade of purple, but, well, it already was. Must've been the onions, Jack thought, remembering the assortment of vegetables. He'd thought that the onions looked a little, well, non-terrestrial. They were close, but he supposed that the tiny nodule on the base did look a little bit funny. And in his own defense he had chopped it off.

He risked another look at his young lover. His face and hands were indeed very purple, a rosy royal purple, he would have said. Jack spared his own hands a look and saw that they too were purple, but not quite the same shade, a little bluer perhaps, more violet. He hadn't seen his face but it would be the same, as would the rest of his body, no doubt.

'How are we supposed to explain this to the others?'

'Relax, we've been in far worse situations than this. This is just a little food allergy, that's all,' Jack said, attempting to downplay the situation.

'A food allergy that could have killed us!'

'Give me some credit,' Jack argued. 'If it had looked deadly do you think I really would have eaten it?'

Ianto seethed and puffed out another breath. He caught his reflection mirrored in the kitchen window. 'I really don't look good in purple', he said, frowning at the reflection.

'Oh, I don't know,' said Jack. 'I could think of worse colours.'

Ianto gave him a look, and then rolled his eyes at his equally purple fiancé. He supposed Jack was right. Green would have been worse. Or orange. And yellow would have been just horrendous.

'So now what? How long will we be stuck like this?' He prayed the answer wasn't forever.

'Let's consult the database and try to find out exactly what it was.'

Twenty minutes of searching pinpointed their alien vegetable table as a Nurtesien Hornbender, so named because it was the hottest onion in the known universe. Their database went on to state that the onion should always be eaten cooked, preferably for not less than thirty quasar minutes, to allow for its peppery flavour to infuse, but that eaten raw, can cause a chemical imbalance on ingestion, breaking down and releasing quantities of lavendium, turning the eater purple. Thus, it most definitely shouldn't have been a key feature in Jack's side salad.

'What does it say about the long terms effects? Presuming there are no other short term effects, that is.'

Jack squinted at the screen a bit harder. Everything was staring to look purple in his vision. When he looked up at Ianto, he noticed that Ianto's irises had also turned a shade of lavender, and his hair was a very dark shade of purple too.

'My hair's purple too, isn't it?' he asked.

'Yup, he replied, seemingly having calmed down a bit, and noting that Ianto hadn't made any comment about his own hair. He consulted the screen again. 'Uh, it says that the lavendium will be slowly excreted through the derma and may react to chemicals in the air, causing it to glow.'

Ianto crossed his arms and looked at Jack, the annoyed expression returning. 'Are you saying that we're about to start glowing in the dark as well?'

'Could be.'

'Great.'

'Well, actually, there are some parts that I wouldn't mind being purple and glow in the dark. We do have the whole night off after all.' Jack winked at him and grinned lasciviously. 'Wanna see which bits I'm thinking of?'

'Put your light saber away, Captain. Unless you've got some sort of super aphrodisiac type fruit for dessert, you'll be spending the night on the sofa. I'm not sleeping all night next to a human sized bug lamp.'


End file.
